“Back to the Stone Ages”: Donald Trump’s Vicious Fools’ Day Speeches
Image by Ries Bosch.
Paul Street
April 3, 2026
Two nights ago, during his insane war speech on Iran the demented lunatic atop the US Empire claimed to have created the “highest ever” stock market. But within just minutes of his deranged speech, Newsweek reports, “futures tied to the Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P 500 and Nasdaq all turned decisively negative, erasing earlier gains from the regular trading session and pushing markets toward fresh short-term lows.”
While stocks plummeted, oil prices surged, fueling further inflation, as I expected (this is why I filled my tank before the speech), adding to the affordability crisis that the orange-brushed madman has called a “hoax.”
The reasons for these rapid economic developments are not mysterious. A senior global investment manager told Reuters that Mein Trumpf provided “no additional certainty or clarity around timeline,” which is “what the market was looking for. The fact that we can expect 2-3 more weeks of action, boots on the ground were not ruled out and that threats to hit infrastructure were reiterated will put the market back on the defensive, particularly as we come into the long weekend.”
The Washington warmonger offered no well-defined strategy to reopen the Strait of Hormuz, the world’s leading oil and gas supply chokepoint. Telling European nations to send their navies and armies to the Persian Gulf to “just take the oil for yourselves,” the debased maniac said the strait would open “naturally” once the war ended – whenever that might be, after however much death, crippling, and destruction.
“They’re going to want to be able to sell oil, because that’s all they have to try and rebuild. It will resume the flowing and the gas prices will rapidly come back down, stock prices will rapidly go back up,” Jane Doe 4’s Rapist explained. So “we’ll see what happens,” but it’s all good: time to do a YMCA dance and focus more on wiping out what’s left of “democracy,” social justice, sanity, and rule of law in the imperial “homeland.”
The language of portfolio managers and oil traders is technical and anodyne, steering clear of the malevolent fallaciousness and violent psychosis of the Orange Monster’s speech. During his painfully delivered monotone address, the bloated and curiously pinkish war criminal let one lie after another slither off his satanic tongue:
+ “My first preference was always the path of diplomacy.” False.
+ “The regime continued their relentless quest for nuclear weapons and rejected every attempt at an agreement.” False.
+ “They were rapidly building a vast stockpile of conventional ballistic missiles, and would soon have had missiles that could reach the American homeland.” False.
+ “They were right at the doorstep [of developing] a nuclear weapon like nobody’s ever seen before.” False.
+ “Our objectives are very simple and clear.” False: Americans and the world have been consistently mystified and confused by the Epstein President’s shifting justifications and rationales, which have changed again and again from one day to the next. Last night – on April Fools Day! – was the first time the Amerikaner-in-Chief deigned to address the nation on the purported purpose of his arch-criminal unprovoked war, which opened with the slaughter of more than 100 Iranian school girls and has since butchered hundreds more children.
+ “We never said regime change.” False: the war opened with the Malignant One telling the Iranian people to rise up and form a new government!
+ “But regime change has occurred because of all of their original leaders’ death. The new group is less radical and much more reasonable.” False: the old Islamist and nationalist regime has proved resilient, with new and hardened leaders in charge. By “reasonable,” the debased orange-faced child rapist means “ready to make a deal with me like Venezuela’s Delcy Rodriguez.” That’s not where the current regime is in light of America’s existential attack on their nation and their clear capacity to cripple world oil, gas, and fertilizer supplies.
+ Regarding “our allies in the Middle East: Israel, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the UAE, Kuwait and Bahrain,” the American Crime Boss said, “They’ve been great, and we will not let them get hurt or fail in any way, shape or form.” False: the Trump fascist regime launched their criminal war without properly notifying most of the US Empire’s Gulf allies, who have been predictably and seriously damaged by justifiable Iranian retaliation provoked by America’s illegal and unprovoked war. Many in and atop these Gulf states are naturally angered by Washington’s brazen imperial recklessness and disregard.
+ The tangerine-tinted tyrant said that “the recent rise in gasoline prices here at home” is just a “short-term increase” that “has been entirely the result of the Iranian regime launching deranged terror attacks against commercial oil tankers and neighboring countries that have nothing to do with the conflict.” False: gas prices are going to be significantly escalated in US for a long time and this is the result of America’s supremely criminal and mass murderous war on Iran, which has naturally and predictably responded to this imperialist assault by using its strategic geographic position to close down the world’s leading oil and gas chokepoint.
+ “Iran will use [nuclear weapons] and will use them quickly.” False: there is no reason to believe that Iran is uniquely immune to nuclear deterrence and eager to commit national suicide by initiating a nuclear exchange. The real Iranian potential use of nuclear weapons that Washington and Tel Aviv have always feared is the capacity to deter US and Israeli imperialism, colonialism and terrorism in the Middle East.
· “Every single one of the” survivors of the 13 US military personnel killed in the criminal US war on Iran have come up the diseased fascist president and said “Please, sir, please finish the job…. every one of them.” Not a chance. Nobody should believe that grotesque story. That was a sick joke to put forward on April Fools’ Day.
+ “We are going to finish the job and we’re going to finish it very fast. We’re getting very close.” False: the imperialist regime in Washington has created yet another bloody quagmire based on the recurrent US imperial mistake that Washington can shape events across a giant and complex world through sheer simple military force, without serious political engagement and adult negotiation.
+ “We’ve beaten and completely decimated Iran. Our armed forces have been extraordinary. There’s never been anything like it militarily. Everyone is talking about it.” False: history is full of stories of heavily armed empires rapidly overwhelming the military capabilities of weaker nations and peoples. This reaches far back before the modern era, well into the Bronze Age. But what “everyone is talking about,” so to speak, is less the awesomeness of US military power than the limits of that power in light of the Islamo-nationalist Iranian regime’s remarkable resilience and capacity to inflict retaliatory damage on US regional allies and the oil-and gas-dependent world economy. And this too – the limits of US military imperialism – is anything but a new story (the great radical historian Gabriel Kolko published and warned at length about the false promises of US global militarism as seen in US wars on Korea, Southeast Asia, Afghanistan, and Iraq).
+ “The United States has never been better prepared economically to confront this threat. You all know that. We built the strongest economy in history. We’re going through it right now, the strongest in history. And one year we’ve taken a dead and crippled country. I hate to say that, but we were a dead and crippled country after the last administration and made it the hottest country anywhere in the world by far, with no inflation.” What the holy fuck. Inflation was persistent and rising under Trump47 even before the oil and gas/energy and fertilizer shock created by the Trump fascist regime’s criminal war. Wild asset inflation marked by a classic capitalist explosion of price-earning (PE) ratios was raising serious investor concerns about a coming major downward “market adjustment” potentially sparking a significant recession even more the Mad “King” launched his bloody “excursion.” The US imperial superpower was not “dead and crippled” before Herr Donald returned to power with no small help from the dismal Weimar Democratic party of passive resistance and inauthentic opposition. Saying that there’s been “no inflation” in Trump47s America is on par with saying that 2+2=5, that black is white, that “he who smelt it dealt it,” and that Simon/Big Brother Says!
+ “It all positioned us to get rid of a cancer that has long simmered. It’s known as the nuclear Iran, and they didn’t know what was coming. They’d never imagined it.” False: the repressive Islamo-fascist state of Iran (which should never be confused with forces of revolutionary emancipation) has long imagined the US-Israel attack and planned for it. It has operationalized a decentralized and multi-level response that has seriously damaged world energy markets and inflicted a global price shock through its drone, missile, mine, and speedboat capacities and its related hold over the Strait of Hormuz. Iran is now incentivized even more than before to use its strategically scattered stocks of enriched uranium to threaten radioactive retaliation.
The leading long-simmering cancer facing humanity is not “nuclear Iran” but the eco-cidal system of capitalism-imperialism, whose top superpower the United States is under the command of deranged fascist maniacs. The US and its top rivals are in possession of thousands of nuclear warheads in an increasingly lawless and chaotic planet on the precipice of a potentially irreversible climate catastrophe that the US has long trailblazed with its lethal addiction to the environmentally exterminist mass extraction and burning of fossil fuels. The top threat to use nuclear weapons in the region is of course the US ally Judeo fascist Isreal, which is currently replicating its Gaza genocide in southern Lebanon, and is unofficially equipped with hundreds of thermonuclear weapons capable of turning the Middle East into an atomic ash heap many times over. The Red Hat POTUS’s boasting about the United States’ unmatched oil and gas production last night (“we have so much gas …buy oil from the USA, we have so much”) is akin to a heroin dealer boasting of his leading customers’ remarkable highs: the substance he’s promoting for use and sale is certain to cancel all prospects for a decent future. His call for other nations to join the fight to military bloodily pry oil and gas flows out of the Persian Gulf (and the Red Sea) is an invitation to heightened civilizational collapse and a bid to expand the war to involved nuclear weapons and other nuclear superpowers.
Beneath all the lies, the most remarkable thing about Donald “Poisoning Our Blood” Trump’s sickening Address to the Nation last night was its sheer savagery. “We are going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks,” Trump said. “We’re going to bring them back to the Stone Ages, where they belong…If there is no deal, we are going to hit each and every one of their electric generating plants very hard and probably simultaneously. We have not hit their oil, even though that’s the easiest target of all, because it would not give them even a small chance of survival or rebuilding. But we could hit it and it would be gone”
Read that again: “back to Stone Ages where they belong.”
Read it one more time.
That is a promise to inflict genocidal civilization collapse. That is a promise of collective punishment, an epic crime against humanity rightly punishable by death. Can you smell the stench of the virulent Western racism rising up from “where they belong”?!
+++
Oh, by the way, Trump’s speech last night was his second menacing and insane address on Fascist Fools Day. NBC reports:
‘President Donald Trump on Wednesday said it’s “not possible” for the federal government to fund Medicare, Medicaid and child care costs, arguing that it should be up to the states to “take care” of those programs while the federal government focuses on military spending. The president’s remarks were delivered to attendees at a private Easter luncheon at the White House, where Trump also accused Democratic-led states of fraud.
He went on to say that he told Office of Management and Budget Director Russell Vought, “don’t send any money for daycare, because the United States can’t take care of daycare. That has to be up to a state. We can’t take care of daycare. We’re a big country. We have 50 states. We have all these other people. We’re fighting wars. We can’t take care of daycare. You got to let a state take care of daycare, and they should pay for it too.”
Later in his remarks, the president added that states would have to raise their taxes to pay for child care costs and that the federal government, “could lower our taxes a little bit to them to make up” for it.
“It’s not possible for us to take care of daycare, Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual things,” Trump said. “They can do it on a state basis. You can’t do it on a federal. We have to take care of one thing: military protection. We have to guard the country.”’
Again, dear readers, I ask you to read that again.
One more time. Let that sink in.
Americans, we are running out of excuses for not taking to the streets and town squares every day and every night, not just once every four and half months, calling (for starters) for the immediate end of the vile exterminist regime sitting atop your superpower nation – and then the system that gave rise to that regime.
