Tuesday, December 22, 2020

God Bless America 
Also Please Buy A Hoodie To Free Kyle Rittenhouse

by Abby Zimet, Further columnist Monday, December 21, 2020

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Because up is down and capitalism rules, the family of Kyle Rittenhouse, the 17-year-old punk who killed two men and wounded another with an AR-15 he brought to a peaceful protest, has set up a website selling a rich variety of "Free Kyle" merch in the righteous name of "the God-given and Constitutional right to self-defense," also the right to profit from murder 'cuz Murica. In August, Rittenhouse crossed state lines to join the third night of Black Lives Matter protests sparked by the Kenosha police shooting of Jacob Blake, which left him paralyzed. In the chaos, Kyle tripped, fell, and then randomly killed Joseph Rosenbaum, 36, and Anthony Huber, 26; he also critically wounded Gaige Grosskreutz, 26. He was charged with first-degree reckless homicide and attempted first-degree intentional homicide. This was apparently an outrageous affront to justice according to his family, lawyer and gonzo supporters, who argue, "This kid should be given a metal (sic) not a sentence!"

To racist gun freaks and whoever all these other sick people are, Kyle is "a good kid. He killed 2 people who tried to harm him. He is a real hero." He's also "a patriot we should thank for his sacrifice in battling evil criminal rioters" and "an American citizens detained for protecting himself against a violent mob, but nothing is happening (to) illegals who were paid to vote in our election. This is not the America I was promised!!!" Horribly predictably, his case has been taken up by the bourgeoning cesspool of neo-Nazis and white supremacistyahoos, including our fascist ex-president, as "a martyr for their cause (and) an example to be emulated." Cue gatherings of thugs wearing t-shirts saying "Kyle Was Right!" and shirts by a company called Right Wing Death Squads that say "Kyle Did Nothing Wrong" - per "Hitler Did Nothing Wrong" - and declaim on the back, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of commies." Really. "It's simple," say the Proud Boys, who admittedly tend to keep things simple. "You’re either fighting for Kyle’s life like the rest of us or you’re not."

This particular alternative reality is eagerly echoed on his family's FreeKyleUSA.com website. On the night in question, it declares, Kyle "volunteered to help protect local business" in Kenosha as the protest unfolded. As "a certified lifeguard," he "brought his medical expertise and medical kit," and oh yes a loaded AR-15 assault rifle "to protect himself." Hearing of cars lit on fire "by rioters bent on chaos, he brought a fire extinguisher, "upsetting the violent mob." Then he was "stalked and brutally attacked," so he killed two guys and almost killed another in "self-defense." To help with what could be $2 million-dollar legal fees - Lin Wood, of election fraud fame, raised the earlier $2 million-dollar bail with a reportedly sketchy slush fund - they began selling a gaudy, pricey array of "Free Kyle" merch, purportedly "designed by Kyle himself!" Crop tops, t-shirts, hoodies, phone cases, laptop sleeves, trucker hats, mugs and, as befits an unsound 17-year-old boy's fever dreams, padded bras and bikinis declaiming “Self-Defense Is A Right, Not A Privilege" across the front and butt. They said they'd raised $57,000 by Monday night, when their printing platform @Printful shut down the website.

The site had already raised murky legal issues, given Wisconsin's Son of Sam laws preventing people from profiting off their crimes, and that's before the morally complex should-you-be-hawking-stuff-to-support-a-cold-blooded murder conundrum. But Kyle's first lawyer, who's now withdrawn to focus on his "future defamation claims" after facing scrutiny for nine lawsuits against him, $4 milion in debts and a "pattern of at best questionable and at worst unethical conduct," insisted "there is no profit being made," except for, you know, the $2 million. Regardless, when Printful took down the site and crop tops, Kyle fans were Not Happy. "It’s so weird how cancel culture has infected so many aspects of our society. Spineless people," raged a Blaze reporter; he also interviewed Kyle's mom Wendy, who said, "It furiates me." Many others chimed in: Traitors, the Constitution, it's a free country, he did nothing wrong, what about BLM/Che Guevara shirts, it's just like baking a gay cake, "Apparently martyrs don't come in white" and "We get shit on at every turn." A few tried to remind them murderers are not a protected class and only white people can open a business based on their killing someone and, actually, "This is what's known in the legal community as 'second-degree murder.'" Still, Kyle tweeted in the wee hours, they found another company "with principled leadership," and they're back with a new store of "censored" merch. And they accept Bitcoin! God bless America.










This is the world we live in. This is the world we cover.

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