What Does Non-Binary Mean? Everything You Need to Know About the Non-Binary Gender
Brittany Leitner
Fri, August 19, 2022 

Photo credit: Cunaplus_M.Faba - Getty Images

You may have heard a few new terms floating around to describe gender or sexuality that you're unfamiliar with, and that's totally okay. As our understanding of sexuality and gender definition expands, so too does our vocabulary that describes these individuals. Instead of getting frustrated that you're out of the loop or don't totally understand every new term right away, consider this: The world isn't suddenly different; but our understanding of it continues to broaden, which can only be a good thing.

If you've heard the term non-binary before and wondered what it means, you're not alone. First, it helps to understand the term binary, meaning a coupling of two different things. If you're thinking about this in terms of the historical classification of gender, the gender binary includes male and female. When you use the term non-binary, you are asserting that there are more than two definitions of a single thing, in this case, gender. Therefore, gender non-binary means that an individual does not fit into the traditional binary categories of male or female.


What Is Non-Binary?

"Non-binary means existing or identifying outside the sex/gender binary, neither man nor woman, or being partially or a combination of these things," explains Lee Phillips, ED.D., psychotherapist, and certified sex and couples counselor. Being non-binary is an umbrella term for a gender identity. "Gender identity is an identifier someone uses to communicate how they understand their personal gender, navigate within or outside our societal gender systems, and/or desire to be perceived by others," adds Dr. Phillips.

Chelsie Reed, PhD, LPC, mental health counselor, and author of Sexpert: Desire, Passion, Sensations, Intimacy, and Orgasm to Indulge in Your Best Sex Life, says it's helpful to think in simple terms for understanding non-binary. "Gender is the mind and sex is the body," explains Dr. Reed. "Gender identity is a social construct of what we think is masculine or feminine and where we think we fit in those categories. Gender identity does not have to be connected to our bodies, it is more about how we feel we fit in our community and society as a whole."

What is Gender Identity?

Someone's gender identity does not necessarily have to relate to the gender social constructs that are currently mainstream in a certain country or city where the individual lives. A person's gender identity is how they see and define themselves, regardless of how the outside world perceives them. A person chooses to define their gender identity, and can therefore ask for different pronouns to be used by others to refer to them that feel more in line with their gender identity truth. "Gender, including non-binary, is expressed individually," says Dr. Reed.

Identifying as non-binary is different from identifying as transgender. "Transgender is when somebody has a different identity than the body parts they have," says Dr. Reed. "Most people still use the term after having their insides and outsides 'match,' and others feel that transgender is describing not only the dissonance, but also the experience of their gender formation and transformation."

Non-binary individuals may have any genitalia, but "feel they do not fit into a masculine or feminine gender identity," says Dr. Reed. "If there were a scale of masculinity, black, to femininity, white – then non-binary is all the shades of grey. These people may alter their appearance to match how they envision themselves, but not to be more feminine or masculine – it is to be more themselves."
Different Types of Non-Binary Genders

As we continue to learn and expand our definition of genders and gender identity, the term non-binary does, for the time being, serve as a catch-all for an individual who does not identify with male or female genders. But within the non-binary term comes different types of gender identities. Here are a few further breakdowns of non-binary, as told by Dr. Phillips.

Bigender- refers to someone who has and/or experiences two genders. These genders can be binary or non-binary, and the person can experience both genders at the same time or may alternate between them. The experience of the two genders does not have to be equal for the individual.

Trigender- refers to someone who has and/or experiences three genders.

Multigender/Polygender- refers to someone who has and/or experiences multiple gender identities.

Demigender- refers to someone who has/experiences a partial connection to gender(s) in question. (Example usages: demiguy, demiboy, demigirl, deminon-binary, demifluid, demiagender).

Genderfluid- refers to an individual who moves between genders; their gender is not something they can pin down and define.

How to Use and Understand Pronouns

If you're ever unsure of an individual's pronouns, the best thing to do is politely ask, says Dr. Phillips. "Non-binary people may use they (subject pronoun), them (object pronoun), and theirs (possessive pronoun)," he says. "There are many reasons why a non-binary person may use 'they' pronouns. One reason is that 'they' does imply any information about a person’s gender."

A great way to ask about someone's preferred pronouns is to share your first. You can simply say, "I'm Brittany, my pronouns are she/her. What about you?"

"It is okay if you slip up and use the incorrect pronoun," says Dr. Phillips. "Just apologize and move on. I would not recommend profusely apologizing or asking the person to explain their pronouns in further detail. This may trigger anxiety and their gender dysphoria (distress or unhappiness experienced because one’s gender does not match their sex and/or gender assigned at birth)."