MEN RAPE

Activist and victim of ‘horrific attempted rape’ aged 17 now encouraging male victims of sexual assault to ‘speak out’

Eleanor Fleming, PA Real Life
Mon, 6 February 2023

A human rights activist and writer, who claims he endured a “horrific” attempted rape as a teenager and felt “confusion, anger, and self-blame” for a decade after the sexual assault, wants to break the stigma around male rape and help victims to “speak out”.

Philip Baldwin, 37, who lives in London, said he experienced “profound terror” during the alleged attack when he was just 17 years old, as his perpetrator – a man who cannot be named for legal reasons – pinned his hands behind his head and tried “to pull (his) boxer shorts down” in a hotel room.

After a “very physical struggle”, Philip said he was able to free himself from the man who “stank of beer and cigarettes”, but given he had not disclosed his sexuality to his parents at the time and he had been “bullied for being gay at school”, he was “terrified” to report the attempted rape to the police.

Philip (right) when he was 17 (Collect/PA Real Life)

Philip decided to focus on his studies and career, and it was not until after he was diagnosed with HIV that he later revealed details of the alleged attack to his closest friends at the age of 27 – and despite realising now that he was not at fault, he “sometimes (feels) guilty for not having reported the crime”.

Philip has since gone on to campaign on topics such as HIV and LGBTQ+ rights, he has been elected to represent The General Synod – which considers and approves legislation affecting the whole of the Church of England – and he now hopes that, by sharing his story, he can encourage more open conversations about male rape.

“It would be good to start more of a conversation about this,” Philip said.

“I think there are a lot of men who are impacted by this, not just gay and bi men, but also straight men, and I would really like it if I was able to give anyone the confidence to speak out about something like this that has happened to them.”

Philip (right) in early 2003 (Collect/PA Real Life)

He added: “When I was 17, I asked myself if this was a pattern of behaviour on (the perpetrator’s) part.

“Even with this amount of time, he can still make me feel uncertain and doubt my own judgments, (but) what is clearer than ever is that if people are brave enough to report these crimes, we should do everything we can to support them.”

Prior to the alleged attack, Philip said he had known the perpetrator, who was older than him, for around six months and he thought they were friends.

After a night out together in Glasgow in January 2003, the man asked Philip if he could stay in his twin-bed hotel room nearby as he lived on the outskirts of the city, and since Philip felt the request was not “unreasonable”, he agreed and allowed him to stay.

Philip feels it is ‘vital to highlight awareness around male rape’ (Mareike Gunsche/PA Real Life)

Philip said he made it clear to the man that “there was no physical attraction” towards him and “nothing sexual was going to happen that evening”.

However, as the lights were switched off, Philip said the man climbed into his bed and “the situation went from awkward to sinister”.

“He smelled of cigarettes; his body felt hot and sticky against mine, particularly in the clean sheets, and I said I didn’t want him there,” Philip said.

“He placed his arm on my chest and started stroking me.

“I was in shock, nothing like this had happened to me before; I wanted to remain in control of the situation and didn’t jump out of the bed.

“I told him to get out of my bed and even tried to defuse the situation with humour.

“I thought that if I gave the impression he had made an embarrassing mistake, he might just back off. I was so wrong.”

A picture of Philip (right) from the end of 2003 (Collect/PA Real Life)

Philip said the man quickly “became aggressive”, telling him “to stop moving” as he attempted to pin Philip’s hands behind his head.

He said the man was trying to pull his boxer shorts down, and Philip describes “thrashing and kicking against the bedsheets” and “gasping for air”, adding: “I didn’t shout, I didn’t call for help because he was continuously pushing his face close to mine and trying to kiss me, silencing me”.

Philip said the attack lasted for several minutes, however, he was eventually able to free himself.

“Immediately afterwards, once I was safely away from him, there was one overwhelming feeling: relief,” Philip said.

“It was unbelievable. He hadn’t raped me.

“I was deliriously happy to be alive and unscathed, (but) contacting the police about the crime just didn’t seem like an option.”

Philip Baldwin wants to break the stigma surrounding male rape (Mareike Gunsche/PA Real Life)

According to ONS data for the year ending March 2020, latest estimates from the Crime Survey for England and Wales showed “fewer than one in five (19%) male victims aged 16 to 59 years of sexual assault by rape or penetration since the age of 16 years reported it to the police”.

And for Philip, since only one of his school friends knew he was gay at the time, he said reporting the incident “would have meant outing (himself)”.

Given he had recently received his university offers as well, he said he wanted to focus on his studies and he believes “a sense of self-preservation took over”, which meant he did not tell anyone about the attack until approximately a decade later.

“I think for years, I may even have been in denial because I didn’t want to perceive myself as a victim,” Philip said.

“The attempted rape raises mixed emotions for me. I’m angry and upset that someone tried to rape me.

Philip Baldwin is a human rights activist and writer (Collect/PA Real Life)

“I’m 37 now, and, looking back on it, this was such a terrible thing to happen to a teenager.

“I would like to think that if something similar happened to me now, I would go directly to the police.”

Philip went on to study Modern History at the University of Oxford before completing a postgraduate degree in History of Art and Architecture at the University of Cambridge – and it was during his time at university that he came out as gay to his friends, before telling his parents a year later.

A picture of Philip when he started at Oriel College, University of Oxford (Collect/PA Real Life)

After leaving university, at the age of 24, Philip explained that he was diagnosed with HIV and this led him to start campaigning on the subject, as well as later speaking out on topics such as LGBTQ+ rights, asylum seekers, homelessness, and international human rights violations more broadly.

However, as time went on, Philip began to reflect on the “horrific” attack and how this had impacted him.

“There was a lot going on in my life, whether it be focusing on academic and career achievements, and it was only when I was around 27 that I really started to think back and reflect more on this, and the impact that it had had on me, and just how shocking it was,” Philip said.

Philip Baldwin when he graduated at 22 (Collect/PA Real Life)

The now radio presenter explained that, for years, he projected “a facade that everything was okay”, but in fact, he was struggling with the events that had happened in 2003, and so he started to visit some churches near his office to find somewhere quiet “to sit and reflect on things”.

He said that, as a teenager, he would have described himself as an atheist or agnostic, however after visiting these churches, he realised “there was more to these places” and so his journey with faith began and he was later confirmed at Southwark Cathedral in London.

He was also elected to represent The General Synod in 2021 and he feels “very fortunate” for this.

Philip only told his closest friends about the alleged attack when he was 27 years old (Mareike Gunsche/PA Real Life)

Philip only told his closest friends about the alleged attack when he was 27 years old, but now, 10 years later, he wants to share his story publicly as he feels it is “vital to highlight awareness around male rape”.

“It would be really good to emphasise that men can be the victims and survivors of sexual violence and rape as well, and I think it would be really good to have broader conversations about this,” Philip said.

“If my story can, in some way, impact one other person’s life positively, I think that would be a tremendous achievement.”

To find out more about Philip’s work and campaigning, visit www.philipchristopherbaldwin.com

For anyone who is a male victim or survivor of sexual abuse, rape, and sexual exploitation, visit Male Survivors Partnership at malesurvivor.co.uk