Namita Singh
Wed, September 27, 2023
When they were planning their wedding, Dimple and Manisha always agreed that they wanted their “big day” to include a traditional Sikh religious ceremony. A queer couple living in India’s Punjab state, they had no idea that their wedding day would trigger such a huge controversy and draw criticism from the highest priest in Sikhism himself.
Manisha, 21, says the priest was very encouraging when she approached a local gurdwara with her fiance Dimple, 27, who goes by male pronouns.
“We spoke to him in the presence of my parents and told him that it is not a male-female wedding, but [rather] with a person who has been assigned female sex at birth,” she tells The Independent.
India does not recognise same-sex marriage, but Manisha says that the priest, Hardev Singh, told her similar marriages have happened in the past. “He took my phone number, saying that he will discuss this with the gurdwara committee and call me back.”
The committee approved their union and the couple got married in front of the Sikh religious scripture, the Guru Granth Sahib, on 18 September.
Since then, a controversy has erupted over their wedding prompting the priest to issue an apology for officiating the ceremony, amid criticims from the highest cleric in Sikhism, Giani Raghbir Singh.
Describing same-sex marriage as “unnatural and contrary to Sikh ethics”, Mr Singh told the BBC that the marriage of two women in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib was “a severe moral and religious violation”.
The outlet reported that he has also ordered the suspension of the priest who oversaw the marriage rites and three others present during the ceremony.
The priest, Hardev Singh, has since claimed in an interview with the BBC that he did not know it was an LGBT+ wedding, arguing that one of the couple was wearing a turban for the ceremony. He did not respond to The Independent’s attempts to contact him by phone for comment.
Questioning his claim, Manisha says: “We told him all the details in person. In fact we submitted the documents, including biometric identity proof, Aadhaar [government-issued ID] card where it is clear that Dimple is female.”
Dimple’s parents knew all along that he feels like a man trapped inside a woman’s body, the 27-year-old tells The Independent. “I was very open from the beginning. I behaved like a boy who was attracted to women. So, I never hid anything from my family.”
However, Manisha says her parents took some convincing. The reluctance came in part because same-sex marriage is not recognised in India, while gay sex was only decriminalised in 2018. The family also come from a rural background, where there are fewer conversations around gender and sexuality than in the major Indian metropolises.
India’s supreme court is currently in the process of hearing arguments in favour of recognising same-sex marriage. The government has previously opposed marriage equality, calling it an “urban elitist view” and defending the institution of marriage as “exclusively heterogeneous”.
Gender rights activists and supporters of the LGBT+ community attend a pride parade in Mumbai on 24 June 2023 (AFP via Getty Images)
“When I told my parents that I wanted to marry Dimple, my mother refused right away,” says Manisha.
“But she came around later the same day. And once she was on board, she convinced my father as well. It did not take very long to persuade them about our alliance. You know what they say: ‘Parents can do anything for their child’s happiness’.”
Despite the opposition they have faced at different stages from family, state and society, Manisha never doubted her decision to marry Dimple. From the moment they started dating, it was a whirlwind romance.
“I have known him for sometime. We work in the same factory. So, I knew almost everything about him,” she says, referring to Dimple’s previous partners.
“I was dating a woman for five years before we broke up. And another woman for few months. I frequently turned to Manisha when seeking resolution of emotional issues,” says Dimple. When they finally began dating, the foundation of their friendship meant it did not take long to consider marriage.
“It was within a week of us dating that I proposed.”
Dimple is still contemplating whether to get his gender reassignment surgery done. “I did think and went to hospital for the surgery. However, the doctors said that most people are not satisfied with the outcome. So, I am thinking of getting it done from outside of India.”
But that will not anytime soon, he says, and he is in no rush.
“I have just started spending time with my wife. If she is happy with me and accepts me as it is, then I might not get it done at all.”
Punjab: India row after LGBTQ couple marry in Sikh temple
Gagandeep Singh Jassowal - BBC Punjabi
Tue, September 26, 2023
Manisha (left) and Dimple's wedding ceremony was attended by around 70 relatives
While India waits for the Supreme Court's verdict on legalising same-sex marriage, an LGBTQ couple's recent wedding in the northern state of Punjab has made headlines - and also created controversy.
Dimple, 27 - who uses the pronoun he - and Manisha, 21, married in Bathinda city on 18 September with the blessings of their families - something that's highly unusual in a conservative country like India.
But what was even more unusual was that their marriage was solemnised in a gurdwara - a Sikh temple - with the bride and groom performing all traditional rituals.
The wedding has been criticised by some religious leaders, including Sikhism's highest priest Giani Raghbir Singh who declared that "same-sex marriage was unnatural and contrary to Sikh ethics".
The marriage of two women in the presence of Guru Granth Sahib - the holy Sikh scripture - was "a severe moral and religious violation", he said, and instructed the Bathinda gurdwara committee to suspend priest Hardev Singh, who conducted the marriage, and three others from their duties until further notice.
Hardev Singh has since been removed from his position. In his defence, he said that he couldn't figure out that both the bride and the groom were female as one of the women was wearing a turban.
Dimple has questioned the claim, saying that they had provided copies of their identity proof to the gurdwara so there was no reason for confusion.
Dimple is from Mansa district while Manisha is from Bathinda - both are remote areas where LGBTQ+ rights are rarely ever discussed in public. Dimple, an upper-caste Jatt Sikh, and Manisha, a Dalit Hindu, met at a garment factory in Zirakpur, a town near Punjab's capital Chandigarh, where they both worked.
When I met them a few days after their wedding, they looked like any happy newly-wed couple. The couple told me that their Anand Karaj (or Sikh wedding ceremony) was attended by nearly 70 relatives.
When they were planning their wedding, Dimple and Manisha always agreed that they wanted their “big day” to include a traditional Sikh religious ceremony. A queer couple living in India’s Punjab state, they had no idea that their wedding day would trigger such a huge controversy and draw criticism from the highest priest in Sikhism himself.
Manisha, 21, says the priest was very encouraging when she approached a local gurdwara with her fiance Dimple, 27, who goes by male pronouns.
“We spoke to him in the presence of my parents and told him that it is not a male-female wedding, but [rather] with a person who has been assigned female sex at birth,” she tells The Independent.
India does not recognise same-sex marriage, but Manisha says that the priest, Hardev Singh, told her similar marriages have happened in the past. “He took my phone number, saying that he will discuss this with the gurdwara committee and call me back.”
The committee approved their union and the couple got married in front of the Sikh religious scripture, the Guru Granth Sahib, on 18 September.
Since then, a controversy has erupted over their wedding prompting the priest to issue an apology for officiating the ceremony, amid criticims from the highest cleric in Sikhism, Giani Raghbir Singh.
Describing same-sex marriage as “unnatural and contrary to Sikh ethics”, Mr Singh told the BBC that the marriage of two women in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib was “a severe moral and religious violation”.
The outlet reported that he has also ordered the suspension of the priest who oversaw the marriage rites and three others present during the ceremony.
The priest, Hardev Singh, has since claimed in an interview with the BBC that he did not know it was an LGBT+ wedding, arguing that one of the couple was wearing a turban for the ceremony. He did not respond to The Independent’s attempts to contact him by phone for comment.
Questioning his claim, Manisha says: “We told him all the details in person. In fact we submitted the documents, including biometric identity proof, Aadhaar [government-issued ID] card where it is clear that Dimple is female.”
Dimple’s parents knew all along that he feels like a man trapped inside a woman’s body, the 27-year-old tells The Independent. “I was very open from the beginning. I behaved like a boy who was attracted to women. So, I never hid anything from my family.”
However, Manisha says her parents took some convincing. The reluctance came in part because same-sex marriage is not recognised in India, while gay sex was only decriminalised in 2018. The family also come from a rural background, where there are fewer conversations around gender and sexuality than in the major Indian metropolises.
India’s supreme court is currently in the process of hearing arguments in favour of recognising same-sex marriage. The government has previously opposed marriage equality, calling it an “urban elitist view” and defending the institution of marriage as “exclusively heterogeneous”.
Gender rights activists and supporters of the LGBT+ community attend a pride parade in Mumbai on 24 June 2023 (AFP via Getty Images)
“When I told my parents that I wanted to marry Dimple, my mother refused right away,” says Manisha.
“But she came around later the same day. And once she was on board, she convinced my father as well. It did not take very long to persuade them about our alliance. You know what they say: ‘Parents can do anything for their child’s happiness’.”
Despite the opposition they have faced at different stages from family, state and society, Manisha never doubted her decision to marry Dimple. From the moment they started dating, it was a whirlwind romance.
“I have known him for sometime. We work in the same factory. So, I knew almost everything about him,” she says, referring to Dimple’s previous partners.
“I was dating a woman for five years before we broke up. And another woman for few months. I frequently turned to Manisha when seeking resolution of emotional issues,” says Dimple. When they finally began dating, the foundation of their friendship meant it did not take long to consider marriage.
“It was within a week of us dating that I proposed.”
Dimple is still contemplating whether to get his gender reassignment surgery done. “I did think and went to hospital for the surgery. However, the doctors said that most people are not satisfied with the outcome. So, I am thinking of getting it done from outside of India.”
But that will not anytime soon, he says, and he is in no rush.
“I have just started spending time with my wife. If she is happy with me and accepts me as it is, then I might not get it done at all.”
Punjab: India row after LGBTQ couple marry in Sikh temple
Gagandeep Singh Jassowal - BBC Punjabi
Tue, September 26, 2023
Manisha (left) and Dimple's wedding ceremony was attended by around 70 relatives
While India waits for the Supreme Court's verdict on legalising same-sex marriage, an LGBTQ couple's recent wedding in the northern state of Punjab has made headlines - and also created controversy.
Dimple, 27 - who uses the pronoun he - and Manisha, 21, married in Bathinda city on 18 September with the blessings of their families - something that's highly unusual in a conservative country like India.
But what was even more unusual was that their marriage was solemnised in a gurdwara - a Sikh temple - with the bride and groom performing all traditional rituals.
The wedding has been criticised by some religious leaders, including Sikhism's highest priest Giani Raghbir Singh who declared that "same-sex marriage was unnatural and contrary to Sikh ethics".
The marriage of two women in the presence of Guru Granth Sahib - the holy Sikh scripture - was "a severe moral and religious violation", he said, and instructed the Bathinda gurdwara committee to suspend priest Hardev Singh, who conducted the marriage, and three others from their duties until further notice.
Hardev Singh has since been removed from his position. In his defence, he said that he couldn't figure out that both the bride and the groom were female as one of the women was wearing a turban.
Dimple has questioned the claim, saying that they had provided copies of their identity proof to the gurdwara so there was no reason for confusion.
Dimple is from Mansa district while Manisha is from Bathinda - both are remote areas where LGBTQ+ rights are rarely ever discussed in public. Dimple, an upper-caste Jatt Sikh, and Manisha, a Dalit Hindu, met at a garment factory in Zirakpur, a town near Punjab's capital Chandigarh, where they both worked.
When I met them a few days after their wedding, they looked like any happy newly-wed couple. The couple told me that their Anand Karaj (or Sikh wedding ceremony) was attended by nearly 70 relatives.
Dimple dressed as the groom for the wedding ceremony
In their wedding photographs and videos, Dimple appears dressed as a traditional Sikh groom with the customary garland of flowers tied to his maroon turban, while his bride Manisha is wearing a maroon and gold tunic, salwar bottoms and a silk scarf and both her arms are covered with red bangles.
Dimple, who mostly dresses in a shirt and trousers and keeps his hair short, says when he told his parents that he had no interest in boys, they understood and "extended their support, expressing joy in his happiness".
An only child, he once contemplated gender reassignment surgery and even consulted a doctor, but decided against it as his parents were concerned about the procedure's outcomes.
It was in 2017 after he moved to Zirakpur for work that he became more aware of LGBTQ+ issues. "There, I met like-minded friends who understood my situation and I also gained awareness from YouTube," he says.
Historic India same sex marriage hearing enters day two
'My parents were ready to kill me for their honour'
Manisha, says Dimple, wasn't his first love. "I was in a relationship with a girl for five years. Earlier this year, we broke up. Then I dated another girl for three-four months, but that also didn't work out."
Manisha, who was then a co-worker and a friend, often helped him resolve his differences with his girlfriend.
"That's when I realised that Manisha could be a better partner for me. She also enjoyed my company, we grew closer and had long chats. So, we officially became a couple a month ago," says Dimple.
Manisha says he proposed to her over the phone just three or four days after they began their relationship, adding that she readily accepted. "A woman needs a life partner who understands her, respects her, showers her with love, and treats her like a child."
But it did take some effort to convince her parents that she wanted to marry Dimple.
"My mother told me it's not possible to marry a girl. Eventually, I convinced her that if she wanted my happiness, then she had to let me marry who I wanted. Once she agreed, she also persuaded my father."
Dimple and Manisha's wedding sparked controversy in the state's Sikh community
Their parents then met and the wedding date was finalised. As Dimple is a practising Sikh, his parents say he wanted to marry following Sikh rituals so they approached the gurdwara priest.
The couple insist that they never hid their identities and show the marriage certificate Bathinda gurdwara committee has issued them.
India decriminalised gay sex in 2018, but same-sex marriages still lack official recognition. The Supreme Court recently heard a slew of petitions seeking marriage equality and judgement is due soon.
So at the moment, a same-sex marriage is not legal in India which means that Dimple and Manisha cannot access rights enjoyed by heterosexual married couples, but at the same time, experts say it is not considered a felony.
But the Shiromani Gurdwara Prabandhak Committee, the apex religious body of Sikhism says it is investigating if there have been any violations of religious codes.
BBC News India is now on YouTube. Click here to subscribe and watch our documentaries, explainers and features.
No comments:
Post a Comment