Harriet Sherwood
Sun, 12 May 2024
Tracy Hickman, 57, pictured with her partner, Paul Qualtrough, says she is ‘at peace’ with her decision.Photograph: Lawrence Smith/Stuff NZ Ltd
A British woman who will have an assisted death next week in New Zealand where she lives has called on the UK to change its law to give seriously ill people choices about the end of their life.
Tracy Hickman, 57, who has terminal cancer, said her message to UK politicians was: “Look at what New Zealand has done, and do it even better. There is a lot of focus on the right to life, but people should have the right to a peaceful, gentle death.”
Her sister, Linda Clarke, who lives in the UK, echoed her call. “If Tracy was still in the UK, I’d have to watch her go through a horrific death,” she said.
Hickman, who has dual British and New Zealand nationality, has chosen to die on 22 May under a law that allows competent adults to choose an assisted death if they have a terminal illness and less than six months to live, or are in an “advanced state of irreversible decline in physical capability”, or are experiencing “unbearable suffering” that cannot be relieved.
Assisted dying on the grounds of mental illness, disability or advanced age are specifically ruled out.
The law came into effect in 2021, a year after two-thirds of voters supported assisted dying in a national referendum.
Hickman said she was “at peace” with her decision. “The closer it gets, the more peaceful I feel. But I’m so sorry for causing distress to my family and friends, although they understand. The alternative is to live for another couple of months or so but have an uncertain and painful death.”
Her partner, Paul Qualtrough, said: “No one wants to see her go, but no one wants to see her suffer. The comfort I get is knowing [her death] will be gentle and on Tracy’s terms. It’s the best of a bad set of shitty options.”
Hickman, an accountant and passionate long-distance runner who has lived in New Zealand for 20 years, was diagnosed with breast cancer in March 2019 after a routine mammogram. “I didn’t tick any of the boxes. I was fit, a vegetarian, I didn’t drink. I thought I’d be off work for a couple of weeks. I didn’t realise how huge it was going to be,” she said.
Surgery and chemotherapy followed. Hickman had “horrendous” side-effects, including hearing loss and “chemo-brain”. The cancer receded; she returned to work and running marathons. But by February 2023, the cancer was back and spreading. With more treatment came additional side-effects, including incontinence and extreme fatigue. She was also experiencing serious pain.
At this point, assisted dying was not an option as Hickman did not have a prognosis of six months or less. Instead, she considered suicide by refusing food and water, but knew that would result in a long and difficult death.
In March this year, doctors discovered dozens of tumours in her brain and advised her that she probably only had three months at most. “It was a huge shock,” she said. She is now taking morphine “day and night”.
Hickman applied for assisted dying, a straightforward process that included assessments by two separate doctors and choosing a date. Between now and then, she is saying goodbye to loved ones and doing “nice things and a bit of life admin”.
On the day, Hickman and a small group including her partner and sister will gather on a secluded beach. When she is ready, her medical team will administer drugs, and she will lose consciousness within a few minutes. “I’ll hear the sound of the waves. It will be very gentle,” she said.
Hickman hopes her openness about her choice of an assisted death will raise awareness and prompt conversations about the quality of life and the end of life. “For me, just existing isn’t enough,” she said. “I’m not the person I was, I can’t live the life I want to. I feel very fortunate that I can be in control, that I can choose this.”
Clarke said it was painful to watch her sister’s health deteriorate. “Anyone who doesn’t agree with assisted dying hasn’t watched a loved one go through this – the pain, the humiliation, everything taken away,” she said.
Clarke was also diagnosed with breast cancer, in 2015, and with Parkinson’s in 2020. “My cancer could come back. I don’t know what my future is. I live in the UK, but I want the same choices that Tracy has. I want the right to choose.”
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