13/10/2024
I read a truly awful book the other day. JJ Bola’s (apologies if you’re a reader of PB) Mask Off: Masculinity Redefined can be perfectly summed up by a translation of its German title: Don’t be a man: Why masculinity is a nightmare for boys. The idea that the solution to toxic masculinity is to implore boys not to be men is, to put it mildly, self-defeating.
I’m not trying to deny that we have a problem with masculinity. Feminists have rightly been shining a light on power imbalances in relationships, the workplace and elsewhere for decades. And more recently we have been seeing a surge in men (particularly young men) in the USA saying they will vote for Trump and not Harris. There are similar polling imbalances in Canada, South Korea, Germany and UK* (in the UK this effect is less pronounced in actual voting patterns, although Reform attracted the votes of 17% of men and only 12% of women).
Why this surge in what I would characterise as a protest vote amongst men? According to CNN:
“In a striking new Pew Research Center national survey, for instance, fully two-fifths of the men younger than 50 who are supporting Trump agreed that women’s gains in society have come at the expense of men.”
Whatever the rights and wrongs of this view, add in the rise in incel culture in the UK and the popularity of Andrew Tate amongst teenagers and it seems clear that this is an issue that has the potential to skew our politics in unhealthy ways, not least the very real chance of a second Trump term next month.
So what’s the solution?
With further apologies to JJ Bola, were I sufficiently well connected to attract the attention of a publishing house I’d write a book called: Be a man: Why masculinity is an opportunity for boys. If there are any publishers reading, it’d be great; it’d go something like this:Whilst it is undoubtedly true that, structurally and in many cases individually, men have used power for both sexist and misogynist ends on a rampant scale, there are many, many men who currently have little power and as with any group, express legitimate resentment that they are being lumped in with those who have benefited from those structural inequalities.
The vulnerabilities of these men caught on the wrong side of the much needed and incomplete rebalancing of society leave them at risk of radicalisation by hate figures such as Trump, Tate or online communities such as incels.
To protect against this, we need to offer a more positive model of masculinity. I’d offer the following as a start (adapted from here, here and here):Be bold but adaptable: don’t be afraid to show your masculinity; be bold in your words and actions but if a woman calls out something you do or say as sexist or misogynist, don’t get defensive, take them seriously, thank them and reflect genuinely on whether you need to adapt your behaviour. Call out sexism, misogyny, homophobia or transphobia yourself when you see it and be prepared to put in the effort to educate someone without cancelling them.
Swap emotional independence for emotional openness: young men often report feeling societal pressure to hide feelings of sadness or anxiety, with obvious effects on their mental health, for which they are then reluctant to get treatment. A better approach is to learn to recognise your emotions, share those emotions with those you trust and build up the self-control to manage them without lashing out (or voting Trump).
Be present if you’re a father: the drive towards equal pay and opportunities in the work place offers men a quid pro quo – more equal opportunities in parenting. Kids need fathers that are emotionally and physically present, not distant. And being so offers rewards in your relationships with the kids’ mother or other parent as well as the kids themselves.
What are the politics of this?
In the present moment, I fear we may have brewed a toxic cocktail that could tip the balance in favour of Trump next month. It is bizarre that the orange man-child might be any sort of role model among young men; contrasting the popularity of his petulance with Obama’s confident masculinity neatly encapsulates the cul-de-sac we have driven into on this issue.
(A betting market I’d like to see is Trump winning the popular vote amongst men but Harris doing so amongst women.)
Longer term, reinvigorating masculinity would have significant positive mental health effects, stem the rise of the impotent rage that manifested in the summer riots, and blunt the seductive appeal of figures such as Tate. As a teacher I can see that a model of masculinity for teenagers to aspire to is badly needed and would be welcomed by (most) boys trying to work out how to navigate a changed society.
Max H
*Thanks to stodge and Foxy on a recent thread for some of these links.
Betting
No comments:
Post a Comment