Men are more comfortable going to gay bars than telling other men “I love you”

While the concept of masculinity has softened over recent decades, how men relate to one another remains fraught with anxiety.

By Greg Owen Saturday, January 6, 2024

Photo: Shutterstock

A study by YouGov UK reveals a lot of men have trouble expressing their feelings, especially toward other men.

Nearly half of all men would be uncomfortable crying in front of male friends. The same goes for uttering the dreaded “I love you” to a male relative.

The version of the crudely designed calendar available in the U.S. features the wrong number of days in 2024.

Those are just two revelations from a survey among 1,982 men in Great Britain conducted last summer.

While the concept of masculinity has softened over recent decades, how men relate to one another is still fraught with anxiety over how much to reveal emotionally or how far to engage physically with other men, the study shows.

Women don’t suffer the same worry, the survey reveals.

More men generally would prefer going to a gay bar — with the risk that carries of being misidentified as gay — than saying “I love you” to another man.

At the same time, anxiety over physical contact or interaction with other men has risen, despite the respondents’ sexuality.

Not that long ago, physical interactions among men were commonplace in locker rooms and similar same-sex settings. Now the number of men who find being naked in a men’s changing room fairly or very uncomfortable is equal to those who are at ease in that setting, 49% to 49%.

The survey did find, though, that lots of men are huggers.

The study revealed a large majority of men — 81% — felt very or fairly comfortable hugging it out with a male friend, versus 17% who didn’t.

The Brits were also okay sharing a bed with a male friend if circumstances required it, like getting stranded after a missed flight: 53% professed comfort in that scenario versus 42% who didn’t.

By similar margins, men were also okay with applying sunscreen to a male friend’s back, 52% to 42%, while 7% weren’t sure how they felt about that particular possibility.

While a plurality of all men reported they’d be good going out to a gay bar, 49% to 44% — an indication of the sea change in acceptance of gay people in society — many more men would be comfortable eating out at a restaurant with a male friend, 91% to 4%.

Just don’t go too deep with your companion over dinner: 48% versus 44% find crying in front of male friends very or fairly uncomfortable.