Black Masses and Anal Probes: The Link Between the Witch Hunts and Alien Abductions
JEF ROUNER OCTOBER 30, 2023
Not a cellphone in sight. People just enjoying themselves.
Woodcut from The History of Witches and Wizards (1720)
Witches and aliens are Halloween staples. In terms of actual historical reports, they are often actually the same thing.
A core component of witch confessions extracted during various purges is the concept of the Black Mass. This is a perverted version of the Catholic Mass where various blasphemies (as designated by the church) were practiced. While many descriptions were the result of torture, some were given willingly. There are some very specific and kinky through-lines in these accounts.
Usually, the participant is whisked away by unknown means, often from their bed. From there, they meet an otherworldly figure who requires some form of body fluid. Afterwards, the participant submits to intercourse with the devil, whose penis is large, black, and ice-cold. Many accounts stress that sodomy is preferred over vaginal intercourse.
You won’t find these stories much in the famous Salem Witch Trials, but they are common further back in the medieval period, particularly in France. In the Fourteenth and Fifteenth Century, accused witches like Anne-Marie De Georgel, Catherine Delort, Jehan la Vitte, and others named as their co-conspirators gave lurid accounts of these rituals.
Fast forward to Twentieth Century America and the case that launched the modern alien abduction craze. Betty and Barney Hill were driving through rural New Hampshire in 1961 when they were allegedly abducted by aliens. In their subsequent accounts, they described a variety of invasive tests done to them, including Betty being pierced with a large needle and Barney having his sperm taken after being probed anally.
Despite the ubiquitousness of anally probing in popular extraterrestrial writing, there are actually few verified eye-witness accounts between the Hills and the 1980s. While many abductees reported being probed, it was usually nasally.
However, from the 1980s onward (in other words, right around the time of the Satanic Panic and a new obsession with secret Black Massesque rites), abduction stories change significantly. Now, abductions from bed are common, and abductees are regularly penetrated in a sexual way, albeit with cold indifference. Author David Jacobs interviewed thousands of abductees, and they reported probing, insemination, and the birth of alien-human hybrids.
In some accounts, these offspring were then used in unknowable scientific experiments. This, too, has roots in classical witch narratives. Black Masses regularly featured baby murder and cannibalism, sometimes fresh from a birth at the ceremony itself.
Just to be very clear, it’s highly unlikely that any of these stories are true. Reports of Black Masses contain many impossible elements, such as flying on brooms and other magical elements. People who claim probing or other invasions by aliens almost never have compelling, verifiable evidence to back it up, waving away a lack of physical proof as near-magical alien technology.
Sleep paralysis has long been cited as a possible culprit in alien abductions stories. During a sleep paralysis episode, the person is unable to move and may have intense dreams that feel startlingly real. The feeling of being overpowered by some sinister or demonic force while under the effects of sleep paralysis is one of the most commonly described symptoms.
Which means either Satan is an alien, or the human mind has been conjuring up variations on a weird sex dream for centuries. The latter seems way more likely.
JEF ROUNER (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
CONTACT: Jef Rouner
Witches and aliens are Halloween staples. In terms of actual historical reports, they are often actually the same thing.
A core component of witch confessions extracted during various purges is the concept of the Black Mass. This is a perverted version of the Catholic Mass where various blasphemies (as designated by the church) were practiced. While many descriptions were the result of torture, some were given willingly. There are some very specific and kinky through-lines in these accounts.
Usually, the participant is whisked away by unknown means, often from their bed. From there, they meet an otherworldly figure who requires some form of body fluid. Afterwards, the participant submits to intercourse with the devil, whose penis is large, black, and ice-cold. Many accounts stress that sodomy is preferred over vaginal intercourse.
You won’t find these stories much in the famous Salem Witch Trials, but they are common further back in the medieval period, particularly in France. In the Fourteenth and Fifteenth Century, accused witches like Anne-Marie De Georgel, Catherine Delort, Jehan la Vitte, and others named as their co-conspirators gave lurid accounts of these rituals.
Fast forward to Twentieth Century America and the case that launched the modern alien abduction craze. Betty and Barney Hill were driving through rural New Hampshire in 1961 when they were allegedly abducted by aliens. In their subsequent accounts, they described a variety of invasive tests done to them, including Betty being pierced with a large needle and Barney having his sperm taken after being probed anally.
Despite the ubiquitousness of anally probing in popular extraterrestrial writing, there are actually few verified eye-witness accounts between the Hills and the 1980s. While many abductees reported being probed, it was usually nasally.
However, from the 1980s onward (in other words, right around the time of the Satanic Panic and a new obsession with secret Black Massesque rites), abduction stories change significantly. Now, abductions from bed are common, and abductees are regularly penetrated in a sexual way, albeit with cold indifference. Author David Jacobs interviewed thousands of abductees, and they reported probing, insemination, and the birth of alien-human hybrids.
In some accounts, these offspring were then used in unknowable scientific experiments. This, too, has roots in classical witch narratives. Black Masses regularly featured baby murder and cannibalism, sometimes fresh from a birth at the ceremony itself.
Just to be very clear, it’s highly unlikely that any of these stories are true. Reports of Black Masses contain many impossible elements, such as flying on brooms and other magical elements. People who claim probing or other invasions by aliens almost never have compelling, verifiable evidence to back it up, waving away a lack of physical proof as near-magical alien technology.
Sleep paralysis has long been cited as a possible culprit in alien abductions stories. During a sleep paralysis episode, the person is unable to move and may have intense dreams that feel startlingly real. The feeling of being overpowered by some sinister or demonic force while under the effects of sleep paralysis is one of the most commonly described symptoms.
Which means either Satan is an alien, or the human mind has been conjuring up variations on a weird sex dream for centuries. The latter seems way more likely.
JEF ROUNER (not cis, he/him) is a contributing writer who covers politics, pop culture, social justice, video games, and online behavior. He is often a professional annoyance to the ignorant and hurtful.
CONTACT: Jef Rouner
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