A well-liked best friend can reduce an isolated child’s exclusion but not their withdrawal, Concordia study finds
Peer exclusion changes over the school year depending on the social resources available from a friend
Concordia University
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Melissa Commisso and William Bukowski: “Having a well-accepted friend can protect children from experiencing sustained exclusion across time.”
view moreCredit: Concordia University
Elementary school can be an unforgiving place for children who are socially isolated. A close friend can be critical in helping these kids through tough times. However, a new Concordia paper published in the journal Child Development shows that the effects of friendship depend on the friend’s level of social capital — meaning benefits like inclusion, trust, popularity and support — and the type of isolation a child is experiencing.
The researchers studied 252 fifth- and sixth-grade students in Montreal to see how friendships affect two kinds of isolation: withdrawal, in which a child chooses to be alone due to shyness or self-consciousness, and being left out, when the child is excluded by peers.
They found that peer exclusion can be reduced when a child has a well-liked friend, while social withdrawal tends to remain stable regardless of friendships with a high-status peer.
“Although it is well known that peer experience in childhood and adolescence are the best predictors of well-being in adulthood, the processes that account for these effects are not well known. Our findings show that having a well-accepted friend can protect children from experiencing sustained exclusion across time,” says the study’s lead author Melissa Commisso, PhD 2026, now a resident at the Montreal General Hospital.
“This is very important, because we know that being excluded by the peer group is something that could bring about negative mental health consequences. Examples include depression, anxiety and low-self esteem, as well as lower academic success and long-term social difficulties as these children age.”
Classmates as the best assessors
Over the course of eight weeks, students at four Montreal-area elementary schools were asked to identify their closest friends. They were also asked to nominate peers who fit descriptions related to withdrawal or exclusion — whether they preferred to stay alone or were left out of activities.
“We use the peer group to tell us what the children in the classes are like,” says co-author William Bukowski, a professor in the Department of Psychology. “The strength of our research was our ability to go beyond typical studies of peer influence that emphasize processes in which peers internalize the features of the friends. In our study we examined whether withdrawn and excluded children would benefit from the social connections provided by a friend.”
The study focused on pairs of mutual best friends and tracked how their social experiences changed over time.
By comparing data collected in September and November, the researchers were able to examine how stable these behaviours were and whether a child’s friendship influenced those patterns.
The results show clear differences between the two forms of isolation. Social withdrawal remained relatively consistent over time, suggesting it is more closely tied to individual traits and may be less affected by external social factors.
Peer exclusion was more amenable. Children who had friends who were well accepted by others were less likely to remain excluded, indicating that a social connection with a well-liked peer can help improve their standing within a group.
However, when isolated children befriend others who are not considered well-accepted by the peer group, those friendships reinforce their existing social status. Although the children may benefit from the emotional support provided by the friendship, they are less likely to experience greater inclusion among their peers. This suggests that the social standing of the friend, particularly whether the friend is well liked by peers, is the central factor.
Tailoring intervention strategies
The researchers believe their findings suggest that interventions should be tailored to the type of social isolation a child is experiencing.
“For children who are excluded, we can think of group-oriented interventions that disrupt ongoing cycles of exclusion, and normalize inclusion within the classroom,” Commisso says.
“Whereas for withdrawal, we might need more internal-based interventions. We could use types of therapies that help children notice and relate differently to the cognitions that might prevent them from participating socially or help regulate certain emotions or anxieties they might have. Such interventions can help children gradually approach feared social situations, increase psychological flexibility, and reduce avoidance.”
The Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada supported this research.
Read the cited paper: “Social exclusion, but not withdrawal, is diminished by a friend’s level of acceptance: A provisions model”
Journal
Child Development
Method of Research
Data/statistical analysis
Subject of Research
People
Article Title
Social exclusion, but not withdrawal, is diminished by a friend's level of acceptance: A provisions model
Forbidden friends become former friends after moms voice disapproval
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A study of nearly 400 children found that when mothers strongly disapprove of a child’s friends, those friendships are more likely to collapse as trust, closeness and support begin to erode.
view moreCredit: Alex Dolce, Florida Atlantic University
It’s a tale as old as time: Parents don’t like the company their children keep – and don’t hesitate to say so. Often, parents openly state their disapproval, hoping that children will abandon unwelcome affiliates and seek out more acceptable companions. This raises the question: “Is friend disapproval an effective parenting strategy?”
A new two-year longitudinal study from Florida Atlantic University and Mykolas Romeris University in Lithuania is the first to examine the efficacy of parent disapproval as a friendship disruptor. The results provide a clear answer. Forbidden friends often become former friends.
Researchers tracked the best friendships of 394 Lithuanian public-school students (200 boys, 194 girls) ages 9 to 14 across three consecutive semesters to understand how maternal opinions impact friendships. Best friends described whether their mothers disapproved of and prohibited relationships with peers. Friends also described the quality of their relationship in terms of its warmth and support.
The research focused on best friends – two children who both reported being friends for the better part of at least one school year. Despite being in the same classes the next academic year, approximately one-third of these best friendships did not survive. In many of these cases, children reported that mothers did not like their friends.
The study, published in Child Development, is the first to show that when mothers share negative opinions about a friendship, they increase the odds of its demise.
“Maternal interference in peer relationships can be quite successful,” said Brett Laursen, Ph.D., senior author and a professor of psychology in FAU’s Charles E. Schmidt College of Science. “Moms are very effective relationship ‘hitmen.’ Most friendships don’t survive condemnation by mothers.”
How does the process work? In some instances, children take the not-so-subtle hint and discontinue friendships in response to the opinions expressed by mothers.
“Perhaps youth are persuaded by parental arguments. Or want to keep parents happy. Or perhaps the friendship is suffocated by parental restrictions,” said Goda Kaniušonytė, Ph.D., first-author and a professor at the Institute of Psychology, Mykolas Romeris University. “Either way, some children retreat from an affiliation after mother objects to it.”
Even when maternal disapproval doesn’t immediately disrupt a friendship, it has an indirect, pernicious impact on its quality. Maternal disapproval was linked to gradual declines in friendship support, especially from the friend’s perspective, and declining perceptions of support ultimately lead to friendship dissolution.
“Maternal disapproval makes the affiliation increasingly unpalatable for the child’s friend, gradually weakening friendship bonds, which eventually precipitates the demise of the relationship,” said Laursen. “Mothers successfully disrupt censured friendships by degrading the interpersonal environment until it can no longer sustain the relationship.”
For the most part, the results did not differ across grades, although maternal disapproval was more strongly related to diminished perceptions of friend support in primary school than in middle school youth. In contrast, low friend support was more strongly linked to friendship dissolution in middle school youth than in primary school youth. Even so, the overall pathway – from disapproval to reduced support to dissolution – was consistent across age groups.
The researchers are quick to note that there are serious downsides to parent disapproval of friends.
“Prohibition is not a constructive strategy for managing unwanted friendships,” said Laursen. “A dissolved friendship is not a parenting victory. Breaking up a friendship is easy. Helping your child find a suitable replacement is hard, sometimes impossible. It is often the case that youth who were previously friends with a troubled classmate have few options for new friends and must choose from among similarly troubled options. Or go without friends, which is rarely desirable.”
The researchers say that there are other downsides worth noting. Prior work indicates that peer troubles follow from parent meddling in peer relationships. Increased defiance, as well as emotional and behavioral problems have been linked to parent prohibition of friends. The loss of a friend can leave children vulnerable, particularly those with few social connections. Children with few friends are apt to conform to preserve existing ties. Children with no friends are apt to be bullied. There are also costs to the parent-child relationship.
“Disapproval can be an effective way to disrupt unwanted friendships, but short-term gains come with long-term costs,” said Laursen. “Intervening in peer relationships can create conflict that damages the parent-child bond. Instead of heavy-handed approaches, parents may be better served by fostering warmth and support at home – conditions that not only strengthen the parent-child relationship but also help children resist negative peer pressure and form healthy friendships.”
Study co-author is Mary Page Legget-James, Ph.D., an FAU Ph.D. developmental psychology graduate (now at Gallup).
This research was supported by the European Social Fund and the Research Council of Lithuania and by a state budget-funded Centers of Excellence Initiative at Mykolas Romeris University.
- FAU -
About Florida Atlantic University:
Florida Atlantic University serves more than 32,000 undergraduate and graduate students across six campuses along Florida’s Southeast coast. Recognized as one of only 13 institutions nationwide to achieve three Carnegie Foundation designations - R1: Very High Research Spending and Doctorate Production,” “Opportunity College and University,” and Carnegie Community Engagement Classification - FAU stands at the intersection of academic excellence and social mobility. Ranked among the Top 100 Public Universities by U.S. News & World Report, FAU is also nationally recognized as a Top 25 Best-In-Class College and cited by Washington Monthly as “one of the country’s most effective engines of upward mobility.” To learn more, visit www.fau.edu.
Journal
Child Development
Method of Research
Survey
Subject of Research
People
Article Title
Perceived maternal disapproval of peer affiliates forecasts child friendship dissolution
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