War on the European continent. A cost-of-living crisis in Britain and beyond. The worst drought ever recorded in human history in China. All pale in comparison to the unfolding catastrophe in Finland, where Prime Minister Sanna Marin has been caught dancing and singing and allowing beautiful people to smooch in the prime ministerial manse, all in the space of a week. The 36-year-old was also accused of using drugs and promptly proved that she had not. All of this has poured into a sprawling scandal that we might call Footlooseghazi-Makeoutgate. It's enough to shake your faith in all that we hold dear.

It began with a disturbing video of Marin, the youngest ever Finnish leader when she was elected at 34, singing and dancing at a party with her friends. This was immediately decried as conduct unbecoming of a prime minister. "Critics have said the PM should be focused on leading Finland during a cost-of-living crisis," Britain's Telegraph reported. Then another video was leaked, this time of Marin dancing at a club with a man who was not her husband. Is that still a thing we're pretending to care about from our politicians? No matter, moving on. Pretty soon, some Finnish media had latched onto the idea that a voice in the first video could be heard saying "flour gang," which was immediately taken to be a drug reference. Marin denied taking drugs and took a drug test. It came back negative.

But then, the following week, another video was leaked of Marin dancing up on someone at a club. And then there was the coup de grâce: the photo of two women making out in a bathroom of the Finnish PM's residence. OK, confession time: when we said there was smooching in the manse earlier, we didn't mention that the smoochers were, in one report's styling, "TOPLESS!" They even held up a sign that said "Finland" to obscure the toplessness. The photo was pulled from the TikTok of a Finnish model named Sabina Särkkä, and where exactly is the problem here? Sorry, got distracted again. It's just that, if you live in a country dominated by geriatric political leaders, you might find all of this kind of refreshing. Marin is a reasonably competent administrator by day, and someone who goes out and parties with her friends by night. Jesus! Maybe she should take up golf.

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Parliament did not sign off on this tomfoolery!
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In fairness to the haters and losers, the past couple weeks have not contained the sum total of Marin's party fouls: she landed in hot water back in December 2021 for hitting the club—and leaving her phone at home!—following a possible COVID exposure. "She was initially told she did not need to isolate because she had been fully vaccinated," the BBC reports, "but later missed a text that advised her to do so." Speaking of the Beeb, the Brits' own party scandals point to why there was at least, maybe, possibly, some point to getting mad about this earlier incident. Boris Johnson's #Partygate indiscretions seem almost quaint from our vantage point over here in America, but when you factor in that the Brits actually locked down for long periods of the godforsaken pandemic, you can see why they got a bit riled up that the guy making the rules wasn't exactly abiding by them. California Governor Gavin Newsom caught flak for the same.

Still, one can't help but encourage these countries to get some real scandals. A garden party, Boris? Try overthrowing the government. Have a mob of your enthusiasts storm Parliament to keep you in power. Step it up!

OK, we're getting sidetracked. This was about the Finnish prime minister having fun with friends in her free time in unapproved ways. And while Finland is in the process of joining NATO, no less! Hold up—there's a relentless online campaign to discredit the leader of a country that's currently pursuing protection against Russian aggression? There's a steady stream of leaks of damaging information about a politician who favors a policy—NATO expansion—that the next-door neighbors consider contrary to their interests? What a coincidence! It does seem that Marin is taking on some water in the polls, and that she could be turfed out in the next election. But there's no indication that will stop Finland joining NATO, and from the outside, this could just as easily be a guerrilla advertising campaign from Finland's tourism board. Work hard play hard!

In the end, though, the best argument against Marin's behavior is that it could be used against her just as it has been. That's bad logic and bad for human freedom, but who ever said politics was concerned with any of that? Just because the Finns elected a young adult doesn't mean they can't act outraged when she behaves like a young adult, and they're really only outraged because she was pictured behaving like a young adult. Maybe that speaks to the company she keeps, though when you hit the club, it's harder to know that, too. OK, maybe she should play golf. And pick up porn stars at the turn. And use questionable schemes to pay them off. Jesus! Nobody does scandals like the world hegemon. Just follow our lead, folks.