DW
18/12/2025
Even as economic roles shift in romantic partnerships, women still shoulder most of the labor at home. Research suggests this is a burden affecting women's health, leading to emotional fatigue and depression.
Women do all the work and men "aren
't even aware of the things that are being done."
Image: picture alliance/United Archives
We've heard it all before: Women do more in the home. They spend more time cooking, cleaning, planning, and caring for children.
Science shows that this is not just about women being too sensitive or tired. In fact, more than 20 years of research shows that women's disproportionate share of domestic and mental labor has measurable consequences for their health and wellbeing.
Marriage (for the purposes of this article: between a woman and a man) is often framed as a source of stability and health.
Yet studies increasingly show that its benefits are conditional — shaped by the quality of the relationship, fairness, emotional support, and the mental and emotional load each partner carries.
"It's important to talk about how much 'invisible' and emotional labor women carry through domestic tasks and caregiving roles," said Annie, a woman in her 40s, living in Thailand. "This 'mental load' often goes unacknowledged."
Psychotherapist Ben Yalom, who has written about the complexities of human relationships and whose father, Irvin Yalom, a psychiatrist who has also written extensively about the topic, emphasizes that the bulk of domestic tasks fall on women due to cultural reasons, rather than personal failings.
"Much of the imbalance in the roles of men and women [comes from] how we're raised. With men, there's a certain kind of masculinity training that we are generally unaware of," said Ben Yalom.
Women, added Yalom, are trained to be caretakers and emotionally attuned. "And men, as a result, don't take on that role, don't learn it, and that is a problem."
The mental load of domestic tasks
Even when both partners work, women carry most of the mental load. Researchers describe this as "invisible cognitive and emotional labor" that keeps a household running — managing schedules, planning meals, and organizing tasks.
A population-based study in Sweden, involving 14,184 adults, found that women spend almost twice as much time on unpaid domestic work as men: About 1 in 10 women versus 1 in 20 men reported doing more than 30 hours of domestic work per week.
The women in the study were also significantly more likely to experience depressive symptoms or be diagnosed as having depression. The strain of managing this workload is considered a strong predictor of depression.
Remi, a full-time working mother in Germany, said the imbalance begins almost unconsciously. "This was standard for me — to work and take care of the house," she said.
After long workdays, Remi said she was often the one to cook by default: "I love cooking, but sometimes it takes a toll on me [when] I didn't have a great day."
Many women interviewed by DW said they had noticed a pattern: Their husbands often helped only when asked.
Early in her marriage, Remi said she found herself giving constant reminders to her husband: "This needs to be done, can you please do it?" This so-called mental tracking, as she called it, "is also part of the stress we carry."
Motherhood intensified the sense of imbalance for Remi. "You wake up, get ready, the child depends on you — not the father," she said, noting that her husband stepped in only after she communicated her needs.
Other data from 2005 found this as well. Researchers followed 128 first-time parents, before the birth of their child and six months after birth. Their study showed that after childbirth, women's domestic workload rose sharply, while men's workloads remained largely unchanged. The mothers reduced their time spent on paid work to take on more childcare, and reported lower satisfaction as a result.
Making 'invisible' domestic labor visible
Counselling psychologist Ishita Pateria, based in India, works with couples to make — what she called — this 'hidden' burden tangible.
Pateria often asks men to take over all household tasks for a month. "This helps them cultivate empathy," she said. "At the end of the month, many male partners start contributing more once they see the workload."
A discussion paper published in 2025 underscored the need for approaches such as Pateria's to cultivate empathy, regarding household labor, in men.
Women across the US and Europe, including Italy, where the researchers were based, were found to consistently perform most of the mental labor in households.
That mental labor was linked to higher levels of stress, lower feelings of satisfaction, and greater effects on the women's careers as compared to men.
Yalom noted that many men simply lack understanding for the mental labor that women do: "Often, a man, to varying degrees, won't even be aware of the things that are being done."
Even in households where both partners work, women often take on an invisible, second shift, and that can have real consequences for their wellbeing, stress, and long-term health.
"Women put in a lot of extra effort to not only take care of their male partners, but also the children and the household. It's a greater load, greater stress. But stress causes health outcomes for women," said Yalom.
Creating balance in modern relationships
Economic roles in relationships have shifted over the past 20 years, with women increasingly becoming equal or primary earners. But cultural expectations have not caught up.
For women, the cost of this imbalance is measurable and serious, affecting mental health, stress levels, and long-term wellbeing, as the studies we've mentioned have shown.
"The patriarchal expectations of 'self-erasure' […], we are often taught to love through self-erasure," said Annie. But love, she added, is a choice, not an obligation.
Realizing that, Annie said, "helped me resist emotional exhaustion and redefine care beyond patriarchal expectations. I'm very clear that I hate doing laundry — I would rather hire someone to delegate that task."
Combining clear boundaries, such as these, with exercises, like Pateria's empathy-building approach, offers a model for modern relationships: Couples can consciously share both emotional and domestic responsibilities to improve fairness, communication, and support.
Edited by: Zulfikar Abbany
Kaukab Shairani DW reporter and editor
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