Family member speaks out after military veteran reveals in obituary he is gay

KATIE KINDELAN
Thu, June 13, 2024 

A military veteran who went on to serve as a firefighter and owned a local radio station revealed in his obituary that he was gay, a secret he said he held his entire life.

Col. Edward Thomas Ryan died at age 85 on June 1, the first day of Pride Month, his niece Linda Sargent told "Good Morning America."

After listing his career accolades and his survivors, Ryan's obituary, published June 8 in the Albany Times-Union, included a message that he wrote prior to his death.

"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life," the obituary reads. "I was in a loving and caring relationship with Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush. He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong. I'll be buried next to Paul."

Ryan's message continued, "I'm sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."

PHOTO: Col. Edward Thomas Ryan served in the U.S. military, according to his obituary. (Courtesy Edward and Linda Sargent)

Sargent said her uncle, whom she called Uncle Ed and whom she cared for in his final years, spoke with her about the message he wanted to share after his passing.

"I said, 'Uncle Ed, if that's what you want to tell the world, tell the world that you're gay. Don't be ashamed of it,'" Sargent recalled. "He was a great man, and I'm just so sorry that he had to hide who he was."

Ryan lived most of his life in upstate New York, including Albany, where he died, and Rensselaer, where he was raised.

He attended a local Catholic church and was the youngest of six siblings, all of whom are now deceased, according to Sargent.


PHOTO: Edward Ryan, who died at age 85 on June 1, 2024, is pictured as a child. (Courtesy Edward and Linda Sargent)

Though Ryan was close with his family, Sargent said she does not remember him discussing his private life, including his sexual orientation.

"I think his siblings knew, but it was never spoken about," Sargent said.

Sargent said she never met the longtime partner, Cavagnaro, whom Ryan wrote about in his obituary. But she said she did hear her uncle talk in his final days about wanting to reunite with Cavagnaro after his death.

"He wanted to go home. He wanted to be with him, that I do know," Sargent said. "He never had another partner after that. He was the love of his life."

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Sargent said she believes Ryan feared facing backlash if he publicly discussed his sexual orientation earlier in life, especially due to his military service.

PHOTO: Col. Edward Thomas Ryan served in the U.S. military, according to his obituary. (Courtesy Edward and Linda Sargent)

As far back as World War II, the U.S. Department of Defense had a policy that "empowered the military to pursue -- or 'ask' -- service members suspected of engaging in homosexual acts," according to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.

It was only in 2010 that the subsequent "don't ask, don't tell" law -- which banned LGBTQ service members from serving openly in the military -- was repealed.

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Sargent said that because he was so private, Ryan declined to have military honors at his funeral and requested a very private farewell.

PHOTO: Edward Ryan is seen in a collage of photos from his life. (Courtesy Edward and Linda Sargent)

In the days since his obituary was published, Ryan's story has gone viral, which Sargent said she sees as a final "salute" for her beloved uncle.

"I talk to him, like, 'Uncle Ed, you don't even know what's going on down here. You don't know what your obituary did to people around the world. People are sending messages from all over,'" Sargent said, adding, "In a way, he got his salute and got to open doors for other people."

She continued, "Hopefully he's at peace."

 goodmorningamerica.com

To read the Col. Edward Thomas Ryan’s full obituary, click here.



Highly decorated Army colonel comes out as gay in obituary

Ehren Wynder
Thu, June 13, 2024 


June 13 (UPI) -- After living a life of secrecy, a decorated Vietnam veteran came out as gay in his obituary.

Army Col. Edward Thomas Ryan of New York, who recently lost a battle with intestinal cancer, disclosed his secret in a message in his obituary published on June 8 by the Albany Times Union.

"I must tell you one more thing,' the message read. "I was gay all my life: through grade school, through high school, through college, through life."

Despite keeping his sexuality hidden from most of the world, Ryan said in the obituary that he had a 25-year relationship with the "love of my life" Paul Cavagnaro.

The obit said Cavagnaro died in 1994 "from a medical procedure gone wrong."

After serving in the Army's 10th Brigade, Ryan went on to work as a firefighter and help found the radio station WHRL-FM in Albany.

For most of Ryan's military career, same-sex relations were grounds for discharge.

Despite being awarded several prestigious medals, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal for services rendered after the 9/11 terrorist attack, he feared being ostracized by family, friends and colleagues.

"Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it," his letter read. "Now that my secret is known, I'll forever rest in peace."

His nephew, Joseph Ryan, told the New York Post that his uncle's sexuality, and his relationship with Cavagnaro, was something of an open secret in the family.

"They would go on vacation. Once he did retire, he would take a month off, and they would just put down where they wanted to go, any place in the world," he said.

"So, we kind of knew, but he wasn't one that would come right out and say anything ... Our family isn't one that tries to say anything about people."

Joseph Ryan said his uncle's final message was a long time coming, but it's especially significant that it happened during Pride Month.

"He was quiet, but he was bold. It's been inside him all this time," he said.

Days after his obituary was published, about 150 people wrote messages of support for the late Ryan.

"May you rest peacefully in the arms of your forever love. I'm so sorry that you never felt safe to be your authentic self," one person said. "Your bravery followed you beyond death."

Another person wrote of Ryan, "a fine American. A life of service that continues with his final wishes to share his truth so others may learn of love."

Ryan, who presumably contracted intestinal cancer from exposure to Agent Orange during the Vietnam War, had donated his body to the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College.

After medical study on his cadaver, his remains will be cremated and buried alongside Cavagnaro.


Veteran comes out as gay in moving obituary: ‘Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever rest in peace’

Samantha Kubota
Thu, June 13, 2024 

After a lifetime of secrecy, a decorated veteran came out as gay in his obituary.

Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, who is said to have lived most of his life in Rennselaer, New York, was a brother, uncle, retired firefighter and Army veteran. He also was gay, the late Ryan wrote in his own obituary.

The obituary, published by the Albany Times Union on June 8, 2024, ended with a message written by Ryan himself.

"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life: thru grade school, thru High School, thru College, thru Life," he revealed, adding that he found love in a relationship with a man from North Greenbush, New York.

"He was the love of my life," Ryan wrote. "We had 25 great years together."

Ryan went on to say that his love died in 1994 "from a medical procedure gone wrong" and that he will be buried next to him.

Ryan concluded by explaining why he did not come out in his lifetime.

"I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay," he wrote. "I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace."

The obituary included a painting of a man, seemingly Ryan, in his military uniform.

By the evening of June 12, around 150 people had written messages of support for the late veteran in the obituary's comments section.

"May you rest peacefully in the arms of your forever love. I’m so sorry that you never felt safe to be your authentic self," one person responded. "Your bravery followed you beyond death."

"A fine American. A life of service that continues with his final wishes to share his truth so others may learn of love," another commented.

"Sir, I am so sorry that you had to live a life in secret," another responder wrote. "No one should ever have to wait until death to be happy. May your soul and spirit live on in happiness with your true love. Humanity can be so unkind to the kindest individuals. May you and your soulmate continue your love without judgment and boundaries."

This article was originally published on TODAY.com


New York Veteran Comes Out as Gay in His Obituary, Says He Can Now 'Forever Rest in Peace'

Brian Brant

PEOPLE
Wed, June 12, 2024


Col. Edward Thomas Ryan said he wished he had the courage to come out in his lifetime, but "was afraid of being ostracized"

Hans Funeral HomeCol Edward Thomas Ryan

A veteran from New York can rest easy knowing his loved ones finally know his truth.

"I must tell you one more thing. I was Gay all my life," Col. Edward Thomas Ryan wrote towards the end of his obituary, which was published on Saturday, June 8, in the Albany Times Union.

He also shared that he was "in a loving and caring relationship" with a man named Paul Cavagnaro, whom he referred to as "the love of my life."

"We had 25 great years together," he wrote, sharing that his beloved "died in 1994 from a medical Procedure gone wrong" and that they'll be buried together.

As for why he kept such an important part of himself a secret, Ryan wrote that he was "sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay."

"I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it," he wrote. But, he added, "now that my secret is known, I'll forever Rest in Peace."

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In addition to serving with the Army’s 10th Brigade, Ryan was a retired fireman in Rensselaer and one of the owners and founders of the radio station WHRL-FM in Albany, per his obituary.

His military service led to a litany of honors, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal for "participation to the State following the attack on America, 11 September 2001."

Ryan's body will be donated to science at the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College, according to the obituary. His body will then be cremated and his ashes returned to his loved ones.

Hans Funeral HomeCol. Edward Thomas Ryan

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"He will be buried in Kinderhook, N.Y," the tribute noted. "The funeral will be private for Family only with no Memorial Services of any kind."

Ryan had five siblings and is survived by 14 nieces and nephews, according to his obituary.

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On the online version of his obituary, many praised the man for revealing his truth.

"Col. Ryan I am honored that you finally felt safe enough to finally share your most intimate truth," wrote one individual. "Peace and glory to you."

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Added another, "You are a hero, in no simple terms! Thank you for all you did to provide help, care and love to people in need. If more people would understand, what an amazing world we would live in! Thank you for telling your truth. Rest peacefully sir."


Veteran comes out as gay in obituary, can now ‘forever rest in peace’

Celeste Houmard
Thu, June 13, 2024 

ALBANY, N.Y. (WJW) – A New York veteran can “forever rest in peace” after coming out as gay in his obituary.

Col. Edward Thomas Ryan, Ret. had a special message for his loved ones after his death.

“I must tell you one more thing. I was gay all my life. Through grade school, through high school, through college, through life,” the obituary said.

Ryan, who lived in Albany, New York, had five siblings and was survived by many nieces and nephews.

He was a member of St. John’s Church in Rensselaer, a retired fireman in the City of Rensselaer, one of the owners and founders of radio station WHRL-FM and was a chef at the East Greenbush, American Legion Post #1231.

According to the obituary, Ryan said he was in a “loving and caring” relationship with a man named Paul Cavagnaro of North Greenbush for 25 years.

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“He was the love of my life. We had 25 great years together. Paul died in 1994 from a medical procedure gone wrong. I’ll be buried next to Paul,” the obituary said.

The obituary ended with an apology for Ryan not having the courage to come out sooner.

“I’m sorry for not having the courage to come out as Gay. I was afraid of being ostracized: by Family, Friends, and Co-Workers. Seeing how people like me were treated, I just could not do it. Now that my secret is known, I’ll forever Rest in Peace,” he said.

According to the obituary, Ryan had a Bachelor of Arts degree in Business from North American University and a Bachelor of Science degree from SCU.

He was a member of the International Association of Fire Fighters, a life member of the Vietnam Veterans of America, a life member and Past Grand Knight of Rensselaer Knights of Columbus and more.

Ryan was a retired Colonel with the 10th Brigade, located on South Lake Ave, N.Y.C.

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His military service led to a litany of honors, including the National Defense Service Medal and the Defense of Liberty Medal “for participation to the State following the attack on America, 11 September 2001.”

According to the obituary, Ryan’s body will be donated to science through the Anatomical Gift Program at Albany Medical College. His ashes will then be returned to the family.

After his obituary was posted online, Ryan was praised and honored by more than 250 commenters who were touched by his coming out story.

“Rest easy. Thank you for your service and know on the other side you have so much love and support. I hope your reunion with your love was everything you wished for and more,” one commenter said.

“Thank you for your service, sir. I wish you had gotten to live your truth amongst friends and family. You were a true hero,” another commenter said.